We've Flown the Coop!

Praise God, we are home!


Friday was a very difficult day for our family. Our attending pediatricians changed over, and our new doctor was much more conservative than the one we had had up to that point. He wanted to keep us here for a full 7-10 days antibiotic treatment. In the meantime, I wasn't being permitted to breastfeed James (I pumped, and he took my milk through an NG tube that went down his nose into his tummy.) Needless to say, I was one upset mama that day. I confess freely to having had a complete breakdown that night, which thankfully my husband was present for and (thankfully again) Sophia was not.

The following day, James' marked improvement and our insistence got the doctor to reconsider his prognosis. The greatest thing was that he began allowing me to breastfeed, and after several feedings, James really got the hang of things. We took the feeding tube out yesterday evening. Late last night, his IV blew out (again!), which was very unpleasant for him, but may have been one of the greatest victories in our quest for discharge. You see, the doctor had mentioned that if we kept having trouble keeping his IV in, we could stop the antibiotic treatment. So, rather than have the IV tech just start trying to reset it, I asked to speak to the attending doctor first. The doctor on call came in and said that he thought it would be safe to stop the antibiotics and the glucose/electrolyte drip. With the IV off, they unhooked James' leads, as well, so the only wire/tube coming out of his body by 2 AM was a little sensor on his foot that tracks his oxygen saturation levels. Once off the glucose drip, his feeding really took off, and now we're doing great with breastfeeding--every 1.5-3 hours, like a normal, healthy baby.


Our attending pediatrician didn't come on until noon today. He came by our room about 1:00 to check out James and see how the breastfeeding was going. He was pretty quickly satisfied with all the progress, told us to make an appointment for the next day or two with our pediatrician and set us free! The nursing staff had already begun our paperwork earlier in the day for discharge, so we were out of there as soon as we could finish packing up, and we were home by 3:00. Now for all the joys and challenges of becoming a family of four and settling in at home once again.


And now, while I could write about how exhausting, disappointing, terrifying, draining, frustrating, awful situation this has been, I would rather rejoice and thank God for:

• Rapid recovery and a clean bill of health for James!
• Our amazing friends who have selflessly given of their time and energy to help us care for Sophia through the labor/birth and the trying days that followed: Tom, Chelsea, Torrey, Louis, and Sheila--THANK YOU!
• Even more friends and family who have been praying so hard for us all!!
• A cheerful, friendly, excellent local hospital where our son was able to receive the best treatment available.
• A relatively brief stay in said hospital.
• A consistent rotation of the world's most awesome nurses.
• Incredible health insurance that has covered all treatment!!!!
• My husband's wonderful job that not only provided the health insurance but also provides us with the funds to be able to spend a whole lot of money on gas and other things this week without worrying about where the money would come from but also has a policy for "family sick days," which enables him to have taken off the days we were in the hospital without using up his vacation or parental leave. Oh, and his awesome supervisor and coworkers who have been incredibly supportive through this whole experience.
• "Nursing Mother" passes, which provided me with all my meals free of charge at the hospital's cafeteria during our stay.
• Sophia's evident love for her little brother, which has helped her put up with a lot in the way of discomfort and lack of sleep while maintaining her characteristic joyful attitude.
• My incredible husband who has not only been a full-time stay-at-home dad to Sophia while I've been in the hospital these past days but who has kept up his spirits and mine and been my greatest comfort apart from God.
• God's provision of adrenaline to my body, which has helped me not only survive but thrive on far less sleep than I normally need. Frankly, I didn't think it was possible for me to do this well on so little sleep, let alone to do so after labor, birth, and while breastfeeding.
• Faith that has seen my family through this time with hope, trust, and deep peace in the face of trial and the absence of comfort.
• A lovely, safe (though perhaps a bit messy at the moment) home to go home to.
• My beautiful, wonderful, snuggly, roly-poly, healthy son.

Hooray! Words cannot begin to convey my happiness. And now, off to enjoy being home. God bless!

A Busy Day

I discovered that there is an exceptional family resource center here at the hospital where I can have internet access, so I popped up here to check some email and update the Mill while James is getting a nap and Brian and Sophia are at home resting. (I already got my nap earlier, don't worry!) Thank you all for your prayers and encouraging words! What a blessing to hop on the internet and find all that support waiting for me. I nearly cried for joy.

It's been a busy day for little James. He's run a gammut of tests, shots, an echo cardio gram, an EKG, vital checks every couple of hours, and (hardest for Mama), he now has a feeding tube. Until his breathing stays consistently lower, we want to be certain that he won't aspirate the breastmilk (well, colostrum, at this point), but we do want him to get the colostrum, which is so beneficial especially in instances where a newborn is having some respiratory issues. So, I've been pumping, and we'll be feeding him by tube starting in the next hour or so. Cardiology will be speaking with us later, but from what our doctors have said, it sounds like his heart is a-ok, which is a huge blessing. Also, in the past few hours, his breathing has gotten quite a bit slower (this may be due to the fact that he's been taking a huge nap!), which is very encouraging, and my doctors (who are blessedly very pro-breastfeeding) are hoping I will be able to start nursing him tonight. I must say, I would really welcome the ability to multi-task by nursing and comforting James at the same time! At the moment, I almost feel like I've got twins, getting up to pump milk and then comfort my crying baby. Whew! You mamas with twins impress me.

But, despite getting poked and prodded at every turn, our little boy has been amazing! He never even cried with a couple of his heel pokes or his Vitamin K shot, and he was a real champ with the feeding tube. He's been very easy to comfort, though he definitely wants to nurse, and he has utterly rejected the pacifier at this point. Ultimately, this will be a good thing for our breastfeeding relationship, I feel, but it certainly can make the nurses' jobs a little trickier. But, we have a wonderful nursing staff who seem to be as concerned for his comfort happiness as they are for his care and health. We couldn't be in better hands, and we are so blessed to have such an excellent hospital here in Seattle and the ability to treat James here.

Another piece of good news is that James has been taken out of isolation, which means Sophia was able to come visit her little brother today. She was elated. Brian said the whole way in the car she kept saying, "Baby James! Baby James!" We didn't know how she'd handle being at the hospital, as she's traditionally a bit afraid of strange places and of machines and medical equipment, in general, but she was a little trooper and was mainly just overjoyed to see her brother. God has certainly given us a tremendous blessing in Sophia's enthusiasm for this little boy--a big affirmative to all of our prayers over the last few months for this transition time for her. We are very grateful.

Okay, and one more little Sophia anecdote that I just can't help sharing because it made my whole day: Brian told me her first words when he came in to get her out of her crib this morning were, "Bless you, Mama." I have the sweetest child!

Daddy and possibly Sophia will be back tonight to spend some time with us, but in the meantime, I'm off back to spend some one-on-one time with my little man who I'm hoping will be waking up from his nap soon. Thank you all, as always, for your prayers and support. We know God is listening, and His blessings are continuing to shower down upon us, aided, no doubt, by all of you. Thank you.

Update on James

**Update from Brian**
Bethany and James are staying in the hospital tonight and both doing well, while Sophia and I will sleep at home. I wanted to comment on the blog to thank you all for your prayers and support. While I have always wanted to leave Bethany's blog to her sole care, in this one instance it just felt right that all your support should be known and seen, even as she is next able to view her site or blog - so I've gone in and moderated to let all your supportive comments be displayed.

Thank you all for your prayers and warm wishes for our little man. We have a quick update on James' health: Last night, his breathing had not improved, so we went to the ER at the hospital near us. After some monitoring, we were transferred to Seattle Children's for more monitoring and tests. He had some cultures taken, which will be watched carefully over the next 5 days. If nothing grows in the first 48 hours (which will take us to about 6 AM PST on the 29th), he will be released to come home. If something does grow, he will be treated for infection at Children's for a week to 10 days, depending on the type of infection.

He is thriving very well, just continuing to breathe fast, and he's sleeping a lot. He has now been moved from the NICU to a "normal" room where Brian and Sophia and I can be with him round the clock. As much as we would rather have him healthy and at home with us, I told Brian while we were eating french toast in the cafeteria this morning, "I must be the luckiest mom in this hospital right now." The "worst case scenario" of heart disease has pretty much been ruled out, and everything else that could be going on is quite treatable. We are still a bit nervous--and VERY tired--but blessed.

We covet your continued prayers and thank you all so much for your support!

Now I'm off back to Children's to be with my little boy. We're praying that his breathing has slowed enough that there is no longer a fear of milk aspiration, which will mean I'll be allowed to breastfeed him again. Can't promise quick updates at this point, but I will keep you all informed as possible.

He's Finally Here!

James Kingsley Hudson

was born on Tuesday, May 26th at 6:17 AM

he weighed in at 8 lbs., 10.5 oz and measured 21 inches long.

Mama and Baby are both doing well, at home with Daddy and Big Sister Sophia, who loves her little brother very much. There is some concern over James' breathing, which has been a bit faster than desired. If you feel led, please join us in prayer that his breathing will regulate to a normal speed over the next do or so, so that we can avoid a trip to the hospital for monitoring. In general, though, James and I are both in excellent health, and Brian and I are so very, very grateful for the blessing of a second, healthy child! I am mainly resting up a lot and enjoying being at home with my family, but I will post a "birth story" post soon. Thank you all for your prayers and kind words over the past months and weeks. They have meant a great deal to me.

Resting in Mama's arms just after birth.

Sophia gives Baby James a hug.

Sophia meets Baby James.

Sweet homecoming, only five hours after birth.

At our birth center, this candle is lit whenever a mother is in labor or a new baby has just been born. This one was lit in honor of our little James.

A Blessed Memorial Day

"A Country Fair"

Author Unknown

Let's all go to the country fair,
there's blossoms and ribbons and hope in the air.
The harvest's in, the endless bin,
and Grandpa can bring the old mare.

For not long ago to another sound,
men of great virtue stood their ground,
their world spinning round and round.

And lest we forget their treasured souls,
'midst blossoms and ribbons and stones in a row,
'round the merry-go-round we go.

Our time is sweet in a Country fair.

Whether you know fallen veterans and go today to mourn as you place flowers on a weathered gravestone, or whether you grill hotdogs and drink lemonade and play in the sunshine, remember that "our time is sweet," and our freedom was bought with the price of lives. Give thanks to those who gave their lives for this nation and to Him Who gave His Life for the world.

Happy Nameday, Sophia!: Feast of St. Madeleine Sophie Barat

As the only St. Sophia is thought to be merely a legendary archetype and not a real person, our Sophia's patron saint is Madeleine Sophie Barat. From childhood, this saint actually went by the name of Sophie, since her mother was also named Madeleine.


Born in Burgundy in 1779, Madeleine Sophie was the youngest child of Jacques and Madeleine Barat. She was baptized the day after her birth, and her brother Louis was chosen to be her godfather. Louis noticed that Sophie had been gifted with a brilliant mind by our Lord. A seminarian professor himself, Louis taught his eager sister all he could, though she was still a child. She devoured whatever he presented her with and by the time she was a young woman had mastered Latin, Greek, Spanish, Italian, history, and natural science, surpassing Louis' students in her studies.


Louis knew and cherished his sister's heart as much as her mind, and once the Reign of Terror was ended, he summoned her to join him in Paris where he began training her for the religious life: her heart's deepest desire. Here, Sophie met her destiny. For many years, a priest named Fr. Varin had been searching for women to form a new society of sisters devoted wholly to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, to prayer and sacrifice, and to the education of young girls. When he met twenty-year-old Sophie, Fr. Varin knew he had found one of these woman he had been praying for. Though she was retiring and unambitious, Sophie knew at once that this society of sisters would be the answer to the deep prayers of her own heart, and she yielded to Fr. Varin's authority and wisdom. With three other companions, she took her first vows on November 21, 1800, which also marks the founding date of her new society, the Society of the Sacred Heart. The Society opened its first convent in September of the following year, and in June 1802, Sophie took her final vows.


The community surrounding Sophie and her sisters became exceedingly popular, and a second "poor" school was opened in 1802. At that time, Fr. Varin was informed that the mother superior had some serious short-comings, and she was removed and Sophie, though the youngest member, was made superior. Her first act was to kneel and kiss the feet of each of her sisters. Mother Sophie was noted for her humility and love, and the Society flourished under her guidance. Eighty different communities were opened up during her reign as superior, including some in the New World, and over all these, Sophie was named superior-general.


In 1821, Mother Sophie called a meeting of all the superiors of the satellite schools in order to create a unified curriculum. She determined that the studies needed to be solid and serious, to fit the pupils to become intelligent wives and devoted mother, to cultivate not only the mind but also the character of true women. Under and over all the studies was to be a foundation of strong religious principles and devotion to the Sacred Heart. Mother Sophie guided her flock carefully for forty years, securing solid approbation for the society from the Vatican, travelling from convent to convent, and writing thousands of letters to ensure that the original spirit of the society remained in tact. Mother Sophie also founded the Congregation for the Children of Mary to minister to former pupils and other ladies.



Though St. Madeleine Sophie was intelligent, charming, intuitive, and skilled, she never relied on any of these qualities in her life or ministry. Instead, like Our Lord, she spent much time in seclusion and prayer, withdrawing herself from society whenever she could to be alone with God and to draw the strength and wisdom she needed from Him alone. The more demands were made on her time and talents, the more she retreated in prayer and grew in holiness. After a brief illness, Mother Sophie died in Paris on Ascension Thursday, 1865. She was declared Venerable in 1879 and was canonized in 1925.



Sophia (or Sophie) means wisdom, and it is clear that this saint was endowed with the gift her name bore. The most marvelous thing about St. Madeline Sophie's wisdom, however, was not her intellect but her devotion to God, the fountain of all true knowledge and Wisdom Itself! I pray that my daughter, like her namesake, will be not only intelligent but truly wise, devoted to her Lord, and fulfilled in a life of service to Him.


This year, with the baby's due date on the 24th (the day before St. Madeleine Sophie's feastday) and Memorial Day being on the actual feastday, and frankly, with Sophia being so young, we didn't really plan anything to celebrate, but I hope that we will in future years. For the time being, I have just enjoyed learning more about this wonderful saint whose prayers, I am sure, will enrich my daughter's life.

The Last Walk?

Today, we took Sophia down to the water to walk around and enjoy the sunshine. There was a bridal party taking pictures in the park where we decided to spend our time. The mothers of the bride and groom ended up asking me at one point when I was due--apparently, they had been taking bets whether this would be my "last walk." We're hoping so, since this little boy is due tomorrow. But, regardless, we had a lot of fun in the sun, as these pictures will attest.

39 weeks, 6 days pregnant! Come on out!

Brian & Sophia

Yeah, they're other people's kids, but they were cute.

Mama & Sophia take a stroll along the water to look at the duckies.

Running around in the grass is super fun!

Pregnancy Update: Two Days to D-Day!

I wish the "D-Day" in the title of this post could stand of "delivery day," but we just don't know that. No, that's our due date, though. We've had a lot of progress toward labor in the past couple of weeks, and honestly, both my midwives and I are rather astonished that I'm still pregnant, but I guess this little guy is just not quite done cooking yet.

On Monday, Brian and I spent the night in the birth center while our wonderful neighbors spent the night here with Sophia. Labored through the night...and stalled out at 3 cm. Since that's technically not "active" labor, which doesn't begin until 4 cm. dilation, we decided to come home and have some rest. Tuesday was rough, as we were both sleep deprived and, naturally, a bit disappointed that we had to return home with empty arms. Wednesday was wonderful, though! For the first time in weeks, I went a whole day with hardly any contractions and had been able to catch up on all my sleep. I felt like a new woman! Last night, the contractions were back and frequent (every 5 minutes or so) but not progressing, so we got some sleep (not easy under the circumstances, for me). This morning, the contractions are still coming, though not as frequently, but that's old hat at this point. I try not to pay too much attention to them. Though, I keep joking with this little guy, "Either get out or stop pretending like you want to!"

As per my previous post on finding peace and sanctification through pregnancy, I feel that God is really challenging me. The dilation, frequent contractions, false labor...such tantalizing carrots dangling before my bulging belly, but nothing doing, yet. I'm learning--and failing--to grow in patience, learning--and failing--to trust Him more, as I try to ignore the leaps of excitement in my stomach with each contraction, the nagging concerns and questions at the back of my mind: "Am I going to have to end up getting induced in a hospital again?", "I have to fit into a bridesmaid's dress in how many weeks?" (The answer to that second question is six, for those keeping track!)

But, isn't that what life is all about? Trying, failing, growing, starting again. It's all to His glory, and I know that eventually and soon this little boy is going to have to get out whether he wants to or not! So, at least the end result is foregone.

Fireproof: A Review

Well, after weeks of waiting for the Netflix queue to shoot this one our way, my husband and I finally received (and watched) Fireproof. I had been hearing such spectacular things about it from everyone I knew who'd seen it that I was really excited about this one. After all, it's not often that, as a Christian actor, I get to watch Christian actors at work on the screen. So, that in itself promised to be a treat. But, while the Christian in me was excited for this flick, I have to confess that the artist in me was cynically pacing back and forth declaiming, "But contemporary Christian art is always mediocre at best! Why shouldn't this movie be the same?"

After having seen the film, I must confess that while the Christian in me did enjoy elements of Fireproof, the artist in me was right: the movie was mediocre, at best.

In the interest of charity, I'll start with the good points. Film concept? Fabulous! Everyone considering a divorce should be exposed to the overarching concepts in this movie (though not necessarily by being made to watch the movie) and challenged in the way that the protagonist was by his father to just see if reconciliation is possible. The 40 Day Love Dare was a stroke of pure genius! I only wish it had existed when my father decided to bail on his marriage eight years ago--you better believe I would have purchased a copy for him. Speaking of which, you can purchase a copy here. If you or someone you know is considering a divorce, please do yourself a huge favor and just spend a few bucks to purchase this book and try out what it challenges you to do. It's just 40 days of consideration before making one of the biggest steps of your life. You spent more than 40 days planning your wedding most likely; why not give yourself 40 days before determining that divorce is the answer?

Okay, now for the critic's say: The weakest part of the entire film was the writing, which is, sadly, what I had expected. Though there were some very funny and touching moments, the writing was, overall, contrived, trite, and forced. The worst part is that whenever the subject matter turned to Jesus, the quality of the writing dive-bombed. And unfortunately, the acting at such moments didn't do much to help (with the exception of the actor who played Michael, and I think did a consistently wonderful job in addressing issues of faith without coming off as melodramatic or preachy.) Every time God came up, I got the impression that the actors were suddenly really trying to "sell" something--faith, I presume. But, that's not the way it works. Particuarly with an artist, the only thing we see is the insincerity of the moment, and I can attest that most non-Christian actors would be more likely to scoff at or reject Christ following such performances. In the words of my college directing professor: SHOW, don't TELL! Fireproof did a lot of telling where faith was concerned. Give us movie-goers a little credit; we can get the point without the sermon. Just give us an honest performance, and we'll take it from there.

I'll give the filmmakers a little leeway with the writing, since the director and producer also co-wrote the screenplay. Something that almost never works, the great exception being Roberto Benigni who has successfully written, directed, and starred in several of his films--alongside his own wife, who can also actually act! Anyway, the typical downfall with director/writer combos is that there is no one there to realize that the dialogue just isn't reading honestly during filming--because the director isn't a very good critic of his or her own dialogue. I'm pretty sure this is what happened with Fireproof. An unfortunate mistake, but a common one.

Now, I'm a harsher critic of acting than your average movie-goer, but I have to say that I was disappointed by the lukewarm acting in this film. Yes, there were some truly great moments. But, for the most part, I felt like I was watching a college acting class rehearsal for a scenework course. Again, there were some obvious exceptions--my praises again for Ken Bevel, who portrayed Michael. Kirk Cameron had some fantastic moments and then some moments where he was obviously "acting." And, I'm loathe to say this about a fellow artist, but Erin Bathea's performance was painful for me to watch. She was clearly "performing" the entire time, and her inability to touch on a truly sincere moment throughout the entire movie made it nearly impossible for me to watch and enjoy any scene she was in. Some of the minor and cameo characters gave exceptional performances; many of them wouldn't have passed an introductory college acting class. As an actor, it was very hard to constantly be rocked back and forth between honest, quality performances and truly attrocious, stagey acting. So, a word to the wise, if this thing gets under your skin as much as it does mine, you might want to pass up this film. However, I know many people don't care a bit about acting and, frankly, can't tell the difference between good and bad anyway. For those of you out there: Bless you! Sometimes I wish I could step into your shoes; it would be a relief. And, you'll probably really enjoy this film, because the content is good, even if the artistic quality is not so.

As to some other aspects of the film: the camerawork and editing, like the acting, was excellent in parts and in parts was rather awkward--though I'm no expert on behind-the-camera work, so I won't comment extensively on these elements. I really enjoyed the soundtrack; so good work there! The effects for the fire scenes were very well done. I was on the edge of my seat during one "scene of peril," as the ratings board refers to such scenes. Sets, properties, and costumes were all very believable; well done, crew! And, I think my favorite part of the film may have been the credits where dozens of people were thanked for donating food and for their baby-sitting services. You could easily tell that this group of people was excited to see this film be made, and lots of folks pitched in to help in whatever capacity they could. As an artist, that makes my heart glad; I wish the same were true of every project out there.

And, that basically sums up my review of Fireproof: Good content with a cast and crew who were clearly passionate about the important message they were conveying; just wish that the artistic quality of the film had been a bit higher. If you don't mind shutting off your inner-critic for a couple of hours, I really do recommend seeing this movie; it sparks some excellent discussion. I imagine it could be very useful in a group setting, possibly at a church event. However, I wouldn't ever try to use this one as an evangelization tool or sit down to it when I'm itching to see a really well-made piece of filmic art.

Cider Mama's Scones

Last summer, I had the most delicious scones I'd ever tasted at a little teahouse just north of our home called Elizabeth & Alexander's. Of course, they guard their scrumptious recipe jealously, but I determined that I was going to recreate it. I don't know if I've got the exact recipe; in fact, I'm fairly certain it isn't precisely the same, as I'm almost positive their recipe does not contain egg, but after much experimentation, this is the one that my husband and I have decided is "the" recipe for our home. So, for the love of scones, teatime, and all things British, I share it with you all! Enjoy!

Ingredients:

2 1/2 c. flour

1/3 c. sugar

3 t. baking powder

1/2 t. salt

1/2 t. cream of tartar

3/4 c. butter

1 c. cream

1 egg

2 t. vanilla

Directions:

Whisk dry ingredients together in large bowl. Cut in (by hand!--do not use food processor) butter until crumbly. Whisk cream, egg, and vanilla together in small bowl. Add wet ingredients to dry with a fork until combined. You may need to finish mixing with your hands. Dump dough onto work surface and pat into 1'' thick circle. Cut into 6 pieces for a hearty breakfast or into eighths (or cut with 2.5'' round cutter) for teatime or a lighter appetite. Place on ungreased baking sheet. Bake at 425F for 12-15 minutes for 6 scones; adjust time as needed for smaller scones (10-12 minutes). Take them out when the tops have just turned golden and the sides are still "blonde" for the best texture. Let cool at least 10 minutes or to room temperature. Enjoy with strawberry jam and Devonshire cream if you can get it!

A Modesty Resource

"Girl with a Pearl Earring" by Johannes Vermeer

A reader emailed this morning to ask what the Church's position on modesty and feminity is. Issues of Christian modesty and feminity are age-old, but today they can seem quite controversial. If you start to browse the information out there on thesetopics, you will find a glut of information--much of it contradicting itself. Men and women of various camps will hold up the Scriptures to support their often vastly differing viewpoints and say, "It's in the Bible!" Well, certainly, we find a good many principles in the Scriptures, and what a blessing that God has given us this guide in matters of everyday living! But, the very fact that the Bible can "tell" a different story to so many people is something to consider. The principles laid down in Scripture are crystal clear; there can be no question about whether or not we are called to modesty in character and in dress. But, the "rules," the precise way in which these principles are lived out may look a little different depending on the circumstances of an individual Christian's life.

This is one of the reasons I love being a Catholic! Sometimes, we can scour the Scriptures and resurface only to say, "Well, I think I get it, but do I really get it?" And, this is where Church teaching can come in to fill in the blanks so beautifully. Let me make one quick proviso about Church doctrine: Unlike Dogma, which are the teachings that the Catholic Church holds to be God-inspired and directly passed down from the Apostles themselves (just as Scripture is God-breathed and passed down to us from the inspired writers), doctrine can change with time. Granted, Catholics are bound to Church doctrine by virtue of authority, which we believe has been granted to the Church by Christ Himself. However, we don't claim that doctrine is akin to Scripture in the way we do Sacred Tradition (Dogma).

That said, there is no Dogma on modesty or feminity. However, there is a wealth of Church teaching (doctrine) on the subject. Unfortunately, there has not been any declarative teaching in recent decades. The most "contemporary" information I have come across is from the early 1960s. Of course, if the Church hasn't changed its stance, we may assume it is the same now as it was then. And, in this vein, I would like to offer you, my readers, a remarkable online resource that I think discusses the Church's teachings on modesty and feminity admirably: http://www.catholicmodesty.com/

I have found, personally, that modesty is a journey, and God may call us to different aspects of it based on the time, place, and circumstances of our lives. Along that journey, He has blessed us with the guidance of His Holy Word and of Mother Church, for which we may be truly thankful. Blessings to all of my readers who are beginning to pursue this wonderful virtue! May God grant you the grace of discernment; may He "guide you in paths of righteousness for His Name's sake," and may you remember, as you journey, to put on the mantle of humility--the sister of modesty--which does not judge others for where they may be in their own walk with the Lord.

Quick Update: Still Pregnant!

Hello, friends, family, and faithful readers. Just stopping in to say that we had a lovely Sunday and are currently having a busy Monday--but I'm still pregnant! Sorry to anyone who had gotten their hopes up ;-) By God's grace, he'll be here soon, and I can't wait for you all to "meet" him. Until then, here are a couple of cute stories from this weekend:

Sophia, who has just figured out in the past couple of weeks that there is a baby in Mommy's belly is very fond of giving kisses to her little brother. She also says, "pahs" (prayers) to "Got" (God) for "Baby." It's so sweet! I just hope she is so infatuated with him once he's on the outside!

After going for a wonderful walk to the library as a family (about 2.5 miles), we came home to realize that Mama should have put on some sunscreen--we hadn't registered that by leaving around 11 we wouldn't be home until the sun was blazing overhead. The area around my collarbone got a bit burnt (nothing too serious); the funny part is that I was wearing my crucifix, and I now have a perfect cross-shaped spot below my throat! My husband, having recently read Angels & Demons by Dan Brown told me, "Hey, Hon, I can totally see 'Illuminati' written across your chest!" We had a good laugh over it. Just hope it fades by the time I'm in my friend's wedding over Fourth of July weekend!

Blessings to you all! Hope I will have some exciting news very soon!

The Sanctification of Pregnancy

"Woman in Blue Reading a Letter" by Johannes Vermeer

“Every day brings its own duty and its own discipline. How is it that I make such slow progress while this is the case? It is a marvel to me why God allows characters like mine to defile His Church. I can only account for it with the thought that if I am ever perfected, I shall be a great honor to His name….”

– Elizabeth Prentiss, Stepping Heavenward

It is a wondrous thing that, precisely when we are striving to do a good thing, to amend our characters, we find ourselves at a stalemate with our own wills. As St. Paul says, "The willing is ready at hand, but doing the good is not" (Romans 7:18b).

Throughout this pregnancy, I have striven to be more stalwart than I was with my last. To not indulge myself in complaining; to be pleasant to my family and friends, despite the discomforts that this joyous condition brings; to offer any suffering up to God on behalf of those who have been able to share in the miracles of motherhood, though they so dearly might wish to. As the pregnancy progressed, I willed to be patient, again not to complain, and to count each day with my little son as a blessing, whether in my womb or outside of it. "The willing is ready at hand, but doing the good is not."

Of course, the Lord knew what I willed to do. And, so didn't He send me the blessings of sciatica, heartburn, joint trouble, and fatigue, that I might rise to the occasion and see myself sanctified by His Spirit? Only, when the rubber hit the road, so did I, whining to my husband, being snappish with my little daughter, and complaining to all and sundry that this pregnancy was so much more difficult than the previous one. All this, while I have been witness to pregnancies that have been ever so much more difficult than mine and knowing women who would desperately give anything on earth simply to be pregnant! How ungrateful I have been!

As soon as I hit my 37th week of gestation, I became horribly impatient for labor to begin. But, I had determined that I would learn patience, that fruit of the Spirit that I am most lacking in. So, God allowed other pregnant ladies around me to deliver early, while I got nearer and nearer my due date. He sent me well-meaning souls who would ask questions like, "You're still here? You haven't popped yet?" (Fortunately, these comments at least, I managed to take as kindness and respond to with grace: something I did not manage last time around, when I dreaded meeting people that I knew who might ask such things. See, I am learning some things.) He increased my discomforts; He sent me the anxious pokes of false labor and other signs that labor might be beginning, only to ask me to wait a little longer. And, what did I do? I became frustrated, even angry, and at times dejected. How childish; how silly of me!

When I reflect on the situation, I shake my head to know how foolishly I have behaved in all this. Not that I was always petulant and anxious for every moment of the pregnancy. There have been many ways in which I believe God has done many good works in me through this experience, not the least of which is growing my son in my womb! But today, I give thanks that God has opened my eyes to some of the sins I might like to brush off as just a part of the process; those nagging habits of complaint and impatience that have ever been my burden--that He is ever so diligently pruning away. When at last He opened my eyes, I stopped merely willing and started praying about these things, and I find that He is truly a good Father Who can teach even me, an impatient, ill-attentive, petulant pupil!

I have a new peace that I cannot describe or thank Him enough for. The false labor continues to disrupt my sleep; the joint pain has gotten, if anything, worse! Each day brings me closer to going "past due." Yet, I am at peace. I find that I have new strength to get down on the floor and play with my little daughter, even though my hips hurt. I find that I am not so short with my husband and can even listen compassionately to his complaints without the need to give him a litany of my own. Most importantly, I find that I am trusting God for the perfect timing of this little boy's birth, and I am truly grateful for each day that I can feel him in my womb, for each little kick in the ribs, for each night of heartburn that reminds me that he is well, that reminds me how blessed I am to have been granted the ability and privilege of bearing children!

The work is not over. I find that I continually, hourly, even minutely, need to return to my Father's arms, to allow His Spirit to fill me that I will not fall back on the habits I have so long let sprout weeds in the garden of my character. But, if I do it, He is faithful, and the pruning continues. Though it is not always easy, it is good, and I am thankful for these lessons, which He has taught me so gently. He is kind beyond measure.

Show & Tell Friday: Mother's Day Gifts

I thought Show & Tell Friday would be an ideal time to share with you all the lovely gifts I received for Mother's Day. My thoughtful husband presented me with this beautiful bouquet of flowers in the morning (lilies and snapdragons--snapdragons are one of my favorite flowers). After Mass, he also made me a delicious brunch which he'd planned, shopped for, and prepared himself. And best of all, afterwards, I got to go take a pleasant little nap while he watched Sophia and did all the dishes! It was bliss.


Along with the flowers, you will see some beautiful crystal cake plates, gifts from my own mother who, I must say, spoils me and mine to no end! It was a wonderful day, and I felt so honored to receive these precious gifts from my dear family. Of course, simply being mother to my darling girl and baby boy-on-the-way is gift enough. Then, to have a day to celebrate it and to be presented with such tokens of affection...well, I can hardly express my happiness! I am blessed beyond measure.

For those of you who are keeping track, we are now counting down to the due date in single digits! I can't wait to meet our son and to "introduce" him to you, my dear readers. Thank you so much for the kind words, thoughts, and prayers that I know many of you have spared on our behalf. Please know how much I treasure them and how grateful I am for them!

Homemaking Tip #6: Homemade Laundry Detergent

For some reason, making your own laundry detergent has become quite the vogue among homemakers. Perhaps it's because we're all trying to pinch pennies a little more these days. Or, maybe, like me, you just hate lugging the bulk-sized detergent home from the store. Another boon of making this homemade detergent in our house is that it contains no additives or fragrances; something that both my daughter and I require for our sensitive skin and which, sadly, carries a higher price tag in commercial brands. In any case, if you're interested both in saving some money and in saving your back (or skin!), here is my little recipe for homemade detergent:


Powdered Laundry Detergent:
2 bars Ivory soap (some people use Fels Naptha, but I prefer the smell of Ivory)
1 c. Borax
1 c. Washing Soda (such as Arm & Hammer)

"Grate" soap in food processor until it looks like the "pearls" in exfoliating bath wash. Combine with borax and washing soda. Transfer to airtight container (I like to use a quart canning jar). Use 2T for a large/heavy load of wash, 1 heaping T for a medium load, and 1 scant T for a smaller load. Good for 64 small loads, or 32 large loads of wash.

There are lots of other recipes out there. Many are liquid, but I don't like the hassle of preparing the liquid detergents, which often have to sit over night and take a lot more effort to clean up. All I have to do with my powdered detergent is rinse out the food processor, which only had soap in it, anyway.

To spruce up the laundry a little more, you can use a 1/2 c. or so of white vinegar as a fabric softener (the smell disappears as the laundry dries). To this, you might also enjoy adding a drop or two of your favorite essential oil (I recommend lavendar).

* This post has been a part of Thrifty Thursdays at Generation Cedar.

Funny Feline

I don't usually blog about our furriest family member, but this was just too hilarious. I had to share. Yes, that's our cat, George, nesting in our daughter's basket of stuffed animals. Silly boy! Looks quite at home, doesn't he?

Baking Goofs

A reader asked me recently to share my snickerdoodle recipe. Snickerdoodles are Brian's favorite cookie, and I realized I didn't actually have a tried-and-true recipe for these tasty treats. Well, to be honest, I was hoping I would have a new baby in my arms at this point and wouldn't have time to experiement. Alas, a watched pot never boils and nor does a watched belly. So, today I found myself in the kitchen whipping up a batch of snickerdoodles.

I'm not a betting woman, but if I was I would wager pretty high stakes that I needed about an extra 1/2 c. of flour in these babies. Are they not the most ridiculous looking cookies ever?? The pictures actually make them look a little better than they do in real life. They are absurdly flat and positively enormous! I laughed at them when I took them out of the oven! However, despite their humorous shape, they are actually quite delicious; so I will probably try this recipe again, with a bit more flour in the mix. When I get it right, I'll share the end result recipe with you all.

Until then, I hope you've enjoyed a little peak into the fact that I am most definitely not Martha Stewart! For all you novice bakers out there, remember: even we experienced ones are prone to goof--maybe more prone, since we like to tinker with recipes! But, it doesn't matter! No aspect of homemaking should ever be about pride or competition. Just do what you love, be creative, and laugh when things go pear-shaped!

Oh, it is good to be humbled... And, then to drown the humiliation with a flat but tasty snickerdoodle :-)

* The Bookworm's Library has been updated: For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay

Anticipating Arrival

"Woman in Blue Reading a Letter" by Johannes Vermeer

Okay, I admit it; I was really hoping for a Mother's Day delivery. No such luck. I know, I know; I still have thirteen days left until my due date. There's the potential that I could be pregnant into June, but I just can't bear the thought! I am way too excited to meet this little boy.

Sometimes I just sit and marvel at the fact that soon I am going to be holding my son in my arms--that he'll no longer be inside of me. I wonder what he'll look like and who he will be. How will he be like my daughter, my husband, me? What unique aspects will he bring to our little family, those pieces that are so him? What will it be like to love him on the outside? To know him in new ways as a separate, precious human being?

And, of course, there is always that shadow of fear that casts itself in small ways upon my excitement and anticipation, like a cloud that drifts overhead, blocking out the sun for only moments here and there. No, I'm not talking about labor; I've had lots of friends and family ask me about that, but the truth is, labor doesn't scare me much. Oh sure, I know it will hurt; I've been through it before--with Pitocin, no less. But, it's not frightening pain. I view it like running a marathon or performing in a very strenuous dance competition... It pushes your body to the limit, but it also gives you the most profound sense of accomplishment, of internal strength; the pain is a direct connection to God, almost like a prayer. He is so present in it.

No, the fear I am talking about is the knowledge that something could still go wrong. Only days left until birth, but what if something happens to my little boy? What if I lose him before I ever get to see his sweet face? In a culture that likes to tuck death away in an isolated, sterile little corner, it is easy to forget that babies die. My cousin lost his youngest little girl at about the same gestational age my son is now. My best friend's aunt & uncle lost their son weeks after birth. While Brian and I were attending a parents' Baptism class for our son last month, our priest was in another room, comforting a grieving couple that was supposed to be in that class with us, getting ready to Baptize their newborn child who had died suddenly and unexpectedly.

I assure you, I'm not losing sleep over all of this (though I am losing plenty of sleep thanks to typical end-of-pregnancy discomforts). I'm not living paralyzed by anxiety, but it is something I think about. And, that's a good thing. It lets me know how deeply I already love this little boy. It reminds me poignantly that I carry in my womb not a fetus but a child, my precious son. The twinges of fear give me a little poke in the soul that say, "You're a mother of two precious children; love them; take care of them." And, my soul answers back, "I will do all that I can...and then there's God."

There is God. In the waiting. In the nights of broken sleep. In the fear. In the excitement. In my impatience. In my exhaustion. In my womb and in my soul and in the soul of my son, there is God.

Happy Mother's Day

"Mother and Children" by Mary Cassat 

"The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men – from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms."

- Oliver Wendell Holmes

To all mothers--new mothers, expectant mothers, empty-nest mothers, foster mothers, adoptive mothers, biological mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, Reverend Mothers--a happy and blessed Mother's Day. May God stir in your hearts a passion for this great vocation and grant you the grace to carry it out, to His Glory! And, may we mothers all find inspiration and encouragement in our Blessed Mother, who brought our Savior into the world, nurtured Him at her breast and knee, and was with Him to the bitter end, standing at the foot of the Cross.

Diffusing the Mommy Wars

"The Family" by Mary Cassatt

Occasionally, I receive an email or comment from a frustrated reader who feels that, by promoting and revering the homemaker and stay-at-home mother, I am necessarily insulting or demeaning the working mother and/or wife. I want to assure my readers that this is not the case. My own mother, who remains to this day my closest companion apart from my husband and whom I wish to emulate in many respects in my own mothering journey, was a "working mom" for much of my young life, with a few odd years here and there when she was home with me full-time. In our situation, this worked. Over the years, I think I have divined some of the reasons why this was so.

My mother was a school librarian, so we had the benefit of having all our holidays and "days off" together; also, she was able to be at home with me after school. I was an only child, so my mother never had to split her "at home" time between me and a number of siblings; when she was home, I had her undivided attention. My mother is a tremendous housekeeper, extremely efficient, a wonderful cook who can toss things together off-the-cuff, and someone who can work extremely hard on very little rest or sleep. I call her "Miracle Mom." Most importantly, I knew that I was always my mom's top priority.

When I speak of being my mom's top priority, I do not mean this in the sense that my mother cared more for me than for her career. I cannot think of any mother of whom this would not be true. But, what I am referring to is the daily assurance my mother gave me that I came first. If I had an event that conflicted with a conference or meeting, I never even questioned whether my mother would be at my play or recital; there was no question: She was there. Always. For everything. When she got home, I didn't get the leftover vestiges of patience and attention that she could scrape together after a busy day; her brightest energy and sweetest temper were always saved for me. When I asked her questions or even when I (as a typical teenager) fought with her, her mind was not elsewhere; she wasn't wishing she was back at work with her colleagues and begrudging me her time and attention; I knew that there was nothing she would rather be doing, nowhere she would rather be, no one she would rather be with than me at that moment.

Having been a wife and mother for several years now, having worked part-time as an actress during that period, and having spent much time in prayer and reflection, I have come to the realization that, though my mother was able to "do it all," I cannot. I think it is a hard fact of life that many women are selling themselves short by imagining that they can do it all, only to feel guilt when they fail at it. The self-help books then tell us, "It's your attitude." "You need more 'me' time." "Your husband isn't being helpful enough." "You can do it all." Personally, I don't find this sort of thing in the least helpful. All it does is tell me that the problem resides within myself. I don't have enough...of something. Whether it be time or gumption or stamina or "girl power," something in me must be wrong if I find I can't do it all.

The plain truth is that not everyone can be Miracle Mom. Not everyone can come home at the end of the day and have their best attitude in tact to lavish on their families. Not everyone can whip up a nutritious, tasty meal in half an hour every night. Not everyone can withstand the temptation to put their career decisions above the needs and demands of their children. Not everyone can thrive on four or five hours of sleep every night. Not everyone is truly able to instill Godly values in their children in the precious few hours left to them in the evenings and on weekends.

The plain truth is that being a mother and homemaker is a full-time job.

Yes, there are women (and men) who are capable of thriving while working two full-time jobs, but I think the vast majority of us would have to say that we are not of that rare breed. I certainly am not. To say that being a wife, mother, and homemaker is a full-time gig is simply to state the facts. Those who deny it are either kidding themselves or have never tried it.

There may be seasons and situations where a wife and mother must work. Or, perhaps she just truly wants to work. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong, per se, with being a working wife and mother--provided that we keep two things in mind:

1. You do not need a professional career to be complete human being. The fact is that most of the world has no dream or hope of any such thing. The pursuit of a "career" is a gift of the priveleged. Most people have "jobs," not "careers," and they lead no less full lives than those who are blessed to be doctors or lawyers or teachers. Being a wife, mother, and homemaker is a completely fulfilling path for many women; they are not selling themselves short or being repressed in these roles; they are living full lives exactly where God has called them to be.
2. Anyone can pursue a career; no one else can be the mother of your children; God forbid that anyone else would be the wife of your husband! If you are a wife and mother, then that is your vocation--your lifelong calling from God. Your family must come first, not just in your heart or your intentions, but in real, concrete, daily ways.

It is because of the evidence I see on a daily basis that our society does not keep these two things in mind that I continue to champion the role of the homemaking wife and mother. It is not because I judge or devalue the working mother--it is because I so prize and revere the vocations of marriage and motherhood, and I feel that we cannot sell ourselves short because of the myopia and rhetoric of our times!
Some women must be wife, mother, homemaker, and employee. Certainly, there are instances where pulling back a bit, maybe downsizing the house would permit a woman who thought she "had" to work to come home to her children; there are many women who can give testimony to this. But, this is not to deny that there are circumstances where this is not possible. In such circumstances, a woman is called to juggle two full-time jobs; this is no easy task, and we who have the blessing of being at home should, for love of God and neighbor, aid such women in their vocations in any way that we can. Nevertheless, I cannot enforce strongly enough how important it is that each wife and mother acknowledge the importance, the preeminence of these vocations! No one else can do your job as well; no one else is called to be wife and mother in your family. It is vital that you embrace this calling, or there will be diminishment in the home--health, relationships, even eternal souls may be at stake.
One last point I would like to make: There are, certainly, women who find their vocation outside of marriage and motherhood. The Catholic Church, of which I am a member, has always acknowledged this, which is why we have religious and lay orders comprised of single women who serve God in a variety of ways. You will never hear me say that every woman is called to be a wife and mother or that every woman would be happiest as a wife and mother. It simply isn't true. What I will stand by, however, is that if a woman is a wife and mother, that is her life's vocation. Whatever other pursuits, jobs, or careers she may have in her life, they are secondary to her God-given vocations of marriage and motherhood, and her life goals and decisions ought to reflect this, in her unique situation.
I hope that this has shed some light on my viewpoints of what has been termed the "Mommy Wars." I have always envisioned the Apple Cider Mill as a haven of encouragement for women (and men) of all walks but in particular for Christian wives and mothers. And, by this I mean all Christian wives and mothers, though I myself am of the at-home variety and therefore, naturally, write from this perspective. I know, of course, that there will be those who disagree with me even in what I believe is a very measured, balanced look at these vocations, but I at least hope that this post may, in some small way, aid in the diffusing the Mommy Wars.

Moist Chocolate Cake

At long last, my search is over!! Who knew that finding a chocolate cake recipe that was neither too dense nor too soft to hold its shape during frosting, moist enough, and chocolatey enough would be such an ordeal? Finally, I think I have managed to concoct a thoroughly satisfactory chocolate cake recipe. Even my husband, who is not a big cake eater, raved about this one. And, now that it's in my repertoire, I can relax and move on to finding the perfect frosting to pair with it. I have a few recipes I'm wanting to try out in that department, and I'll let you all know which one I think pairs best.

Ingredients

2 c. flour
3/4 c. cocoa powder
1 1/4 tsp. baking powder
3/4 tsp. salt
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, softened
1 3/4 c. golden brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/3 c. water

frosting of choice

Directions

1. Butter a 9'' round cake pan. Cut a parchment round and place in bottom of pan; butter again, and dust pan with flour, knocking out excess.
2. Whisk flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt in bowl.
3. Beat butter and sugar together until combined. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Mix in vanilla.
4. Alternately mix in flour mixture and water, beginning and ending with flour, scraping bowl well, until just combined.
5. Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake at 350F for 1 hour or until tester comes out clean.
6. Cool on rack for one hour. Turn out cake; flip upright, and allow to cool completely.
7. Level top; slice in half horizontally, and frost as desired.
8. Enjoy with a tall glass of ice-cold milk!

A little aside: A reader asked me how my family eats these recipes that I post and manages to stay thin. Well, first of all, we were all blessed with "thin" genes. But, in addition, we don't eat chocolate cake and cheesy beef casseroles every night. We eat vegetarian at least once or twice a week, and I usually only bake a toothsome dessert like chocolate cake for Sunday dinner or when we are expecting guests. (We also don't have any storebought or processed snacks in the house, which I think goes a long way toward maintaining a healthy weight.) It's just that I like to put the tastiest recipes up here on my blog. Maybe I should start sharing some of our more waistline-friendly ones, too?

The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Spouse

What is the greatest gift you can give to your spouse?

What were you going to answer? Be honest. Was it time alone? Or, perhaps some "together" time, maybe a date night? Maybe just some "time off", a helping hand? Was it sex? Or, maybe you were thinking materially: a diamond necklace?

While these are all wonderful gifts (yes, even the diamond necklace, though I'm more of a pearl girl myself), the greatest gift we can give to our spouses is prayer. Marriage is the most intimate, sanctifying relationship in humankind. No other relationship is meant to draw two completely unique human beings together for life and to create out of two wholes a greater complementarian whole! Marriage is profoundly encouraging, profoundly challenging. It is full of blessings that we can easily misunderstand to be "issues" or "problems." At its best, it demands a vulnerability that we are not always comfortable with--but that's precisely the point. Marriage can make us immeasurably happy, and it is always intended to make us holy.

And, yet, marriage is not meant to be for two people, alone. No, I'm not promoting polygamy. But, there is a threesome in every marriage, whether we acknowledge it or not: husband, wife, and God! Without God, our marriages suffer. And, this where our gift comes in!

Prayer is the main channel by which we connect to God. Think about what would happen to your marriage if you stopped speaking to your spouse. If you stopped making love. If you stopped communicating your love, your challenges, your hurts, your needs, and your desires? What would you marriage be like? Would it even survive?

Now, recall that your marriage is not merely a two-way relationship, but a three-way one. When you stop praying, you are cutting God out of the picture. When you have a healthy prayer life, in addition to good communication with your spouse, you will find that marriage is a gloriously harmonious relationship! But, you have to be tending to the whole relationship, and that includes God.

Being imperfect and having an imperfect ability to love, we humans need God--and nowhere is this more evident than in marriage. We simply cannot be everything our spouse needs; they cannot be everything we need. The world tells us to go talk to our girlfriends when we hit a wall our spouse can't help us over. And, certainly, where would we be without our girlfriends? But, before that--and more importantly than that--we need God! And, so do our husbands.

This past week or so, I have been struggling a lot with my attitude. Yes, even those of us who like housekeeping and think cooking is thrilling still have "those" days. Between being enormously pregnant, suffering from fatigue, chasing a toddler who is if possible even more rambunctious these days than ever before, suffering from swollen ankles and a sore back, feeding my family, running errands, and trying to keep things in relative order, I have hit a wall. No, I'm not oppressed by homemaking or childcare. It's just that I've noticed I need a little extra help to keep my sense of joy and peace from being eclipsed by the frustrations of daily life.

I communicated this to my husband. (There's that c-word again! So, so important! Your husband is not a mind-reader, nor does he have woman's intuition. Give the guy a break; talk to him!) I told him I felt like I was caught in this cycle: I am uncomfortable and tired so often, but things need to get done. I'm frustrated because I'm too uncomfortable and tired to really enjoy doing many of my daily tasks. Then, I get frustrated by my attitude, because what good is setting dinner on the table when you're doing it with a scowl and you just want to run off to the bedroom and sleep rather than share dinner with the family? So, then I feel guilty, and think, maybe I should just let the other stuff fall by the wayside so I can get my attitude adjusted...but then we'd be hungry and the house would be a sty, and we'd all be upset...so that's not an option. You all see where I'm going with this?

Well, my thoughtful husband mulled this over, and then came to me before heading off to work this morning. "I've thought about what you said," he told me. "What can I do? Is there something I can help with? Have you asked me for help and I haven't given it?" (Isn't he sweet??)

"No," I replied. "You help out a lot. And, it's not help that I need right now. It's not that I can't do the work; it's that I'm cranky about it. What I need is prayer. Lots of prayer. Maybe some time alone when you get home in the evening so I can have a little uniterrupted prayer of my own, too?"

Prayer is what fills up our cup, so that we can pour out to our families. We need personal prayer. But, we also need prayer from others. So, when things are a little rough in the home, do talk to your spouse. Do make sure things are healthy in the marriage bed. Do make sure you are having time together as a couple. Do give small gestures of love, even if you can't afford a diamond necklace. But, first of all--most of all--pray! Pray for your spouse; pray with your spouse; and make sure your spouse has the time and space they need to meet their personal prayer needs.