Warning: Not appropriate for young readers.
So, awhile back, I wrote a post which asked the vital question, "Where's the married sex?" By this, I meant that, in Hollywood movies, you almost never see marriage portrayed as sexy. When it's portrayed at all, it's usually a honeymoon or (for those movies that begin with a marriage rather than ending with a wedding) a desolate, barren, ball-and-chain trap. Even if a happy marriage does find it's way into a Hollywood film, it's usually portrayed as a sort of "deep but largely platonic" sort of love, as in the kind you might hope your grandparents have. Loving, devoted, but not sexy. All the steamy love-making is traditionally kept between the deeply "in love" but distinctly unwed, bonus points if the couple "shouldn't" be together in the first place.
I mentioned in the original post that one of the rare exceptions to this rule was The Painted Veil
, starring Edward Norton and Naomi Watts, one of my all-time favorite movies. Interestingly, the passionate love scene between the once-estranged married pair in this movie was not in the original book. It was added for the film. Score one for Hollywood!Score two: Julie & Julia
! Finally, after months of wanting to, I got to see this fabulous film. In addition to being hilarious and making me want to simultaneously read dense cookbooks, write a blog post, and delve into my kitchen cabinets at ten o'clock at night, it struck a special cord in my heart because of the wonderful way that marriage is portrayed in both *true life* couples--devoted and loving, yes, but also passionate and definitely very sexy, all while earning a PG-13 rating.Hooray for Hollywood! I'm hoping this is a new trend. I hope it will remind the world that:
- Marriage is what happens during all those years after the wedding day.
- Falling in love, while glorious, pales in comparison to the joys of choosing to love and staying the course of life with your spouse.
- Married sex can be totally hot! (Note to married couples: If this isn't true for you, check out Julie & Julia
As Paul Child once told Julia, and as Julie Powell once told her husband, Eric, "You are the butter to my bread and the breath to my life." Thank you for always supporting me and for just being incredible. I love you!
Cheesy I may be, but I could not be more sincere. Or more in love.
I really enjoyed "Julie and Julia," too. But, just as a word of warning, don't go out and get the book. It's drastically different from the movie. I couldn't make it to the end of chapter two due to it being so crude, profane,and inappropriate. I no longer wonder why Julia Child supposedly didn't like Julie's writing.
ReplyDeleteHowever, this gives Hollywood extra points. They left out the inappropriateness of the book and made a splendid movie!
Anyway, I just wanted to warn others not to make the mistake I made -- and certainly not to spend money buying the book! Stick with the movie!
I really want to see this movie! I have heard only great things about it! I loved your recap :)
ReplyDeleteI liked "Julie and Julia" too, but the fact that Julie Powell recently let it be known that both her and her husband had engaged in affairs kind of ruined it for me.
ReplyDeleteNurse Bee
I Know!!!! The love between Paul and Julia was so incredible! I loved the way it was portrayed in the movie- they seemed like they couldn't live without each other. So much tenderness, and yes, a sexy married relationship!
ReplyDelete"The Painted Veil" is one of my favourites, too. I've watched it several times and each time notice new things.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed "Julie and Julia" very much, and noticed the same things you did.
I 100% agree I would always prefer sex to be suggested rather than shown explicitly but with married couples the opposite is always true. It's usualy infered that married couples have a poor or non existent sex life. Odd when even the most cynical observer must realise that most of the sex in the world happens within marriage !
ReplyDeleteBethany, my feelings about the issue are somewhat ambiguous. While I definitely prefer the display of romantic, passion-filled marriage to the display of dreary, bleak, suffocating marriage, I'm not convinced that passion is a necessary part of a good, solid, stable marriage. All married people probably have sex, but not everyone has (or needs) fireworks, and even if those fireworks do exist, it's not always on a regular basis, as our lives are made of day-to-day activities and everything can't always be fun and exciting, and it would be a dangerous illusion to believe that it must be so.
ReplyDeleteAlso, intimacy between husband and wife is something very, very private, and I believe it should only be hinted at in films, in a very subtle and delicate manner. Otherwise we lose a big part of the mystery of married life, and that's a shame in my opinion.
I must say that I haven't seen the films you refer to (I think I definitely should, though), so I'm generalizing here.
I also loved Julie and Julia, particularly Julia and Paul's relationship!
ReplyDeleteBut I will echo the warning that Julie's angle was considerably cleaned up for the movie. The producers made her wait until after the movie came out for her to publish her second book - in which she has affairs, travels the world, and compares her adultery to preparing meat. Ugh. I was so disappointed to hear that.
I am so disappointed to learn that Julie & Eric Powell's relationship was not how it was portrayed in the movie--though I am grateful to the producers and to Nora Ephron for ficitonalizing their marriage the way they did! Otherwise, the movie would have been completely spoiled for me. I appreciate the warnings, ladies. I will certainly pass on buying Mrs. Powell's books and just continue to enjoy the film.
ReplyDeleteAnna - I do agree, and the films that I am referring too, while sensual are not sexual. There is no nudity or scenes of sex, just some very passionate scenes that imply what it going to happen or what has just happened. I prefer my "love" scenes PG or PG-13 anyway, regardless of whether the couple is married or not. Oh, correction--in The Painted Veil, you do see Edward Norton's butt. But not in a sexual way. It's pretty funny, actually.
ReplyDelete*laughs* Ed Norton's butt is funny, in general. Especially if you have a skinny husband and can relate. ;) While my marriage isn't always fireworks...I like to joke that I married my husband FOR the sex (we didn't wait, and while we certainly regret not waiting for each other or with each other, we know we're forgiven.). Just the allusion that "something" is going on is somewhat frightening to think of - this is why there were so many sexual hang ups and issues at the start of the 20th century. Personally, I'd rather be open with my kids - "Yeah, Mom and Dad love each other, so they have sex occasionally" - even if it ooks the kids out, but have them accept it as a "Mom and Dad thing" that's normal than some forbidden fruit that they need to engage in covertly to see what all the fuss is about. I was raised this way - I knew my parents "did it" (and still do, my mother will proudly profess. Eew, thanks Mom. I'm grossed out now.), and I never felt this huge urge to run out and have sex as a teen - it was something that two people IN LOVE did. Not just an extracurricular activity - sex was for loving and making babies. Not for when you're bored - that's what books and video games are for!
ReplyDeleteI think that while it is immensely disappointing that both Julie AND her husband had affairs...one must understand that her second book and its metaphorical allusions are those of a woman attempting to understand why she strayed. Also, they are still married, and have, according to Julie, mended their marriage. While there is never any justification for infidelity, I feel that some of the comments here would spear her whether she cheated and stayed, or cheated and left...if Paul forgave her, isn't that what matters? If she's truly sorry, isn't that more important than what WE think??
I love this post! I just found your blog via Emily G. and I'm so happy I stumbled over here. I too loved Julie and Julia, but haven't seen the other movie you mention. I'll have to check it out.
ReplyDeleteThe points you make about Hollywood's usual portrayal of married sex are right on! I too hope these movies can be signs of hope. :)
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ReplyDeleteAndrea - I don't think it's a matter of importance, at least no for me. I simply don't want to read about infidelity, real or fictional. It's just not worth spending my time on, and it's too painful for me to dwell on.
ReplyDeleteJenny - Perhaps there is a glitch with Blogger? In all honesty, I have NEVER failed to publish a comment I have received. All I can think is that I have never received your comments. I'm very sorry that you were offended. I cannot think how this could have happened.
ReplyDeletethat makes sense :) i didn't mean to sound rude, I was just suprised because I have commented quite a few times and it just always disappears. :) perhaps I'm not doing something correctly. thanks for clearing that up..I thought my comments were deliberately being left off for some unknown reason. :)
ReplyDeleteAs for the movie, I had mentioned that I agreed that it was a great portayal of marriage. I think Marly & Me is another good one. :)
Jenny- So glad we cleared that up! I have not seen Marley & Me. Thanks for the reccomendation.
ReplyDeleteYou should definitely read My Life in France by Julia Child. It was a great read that I didn't want to end! Skip Julie/Julia by Julie Powell. You will be offended by the profanity.
ReplyDeleteAnother agreeing vote that the movie was better (and had more about Julia) than the book. Nora Ephron can do some really sweet stories!
ReplyDelete-Katie