Friday, December 30, 2011

Resolution Priority

It’s that time of year. Time to make that personal promise to get back in shape and eat less sugar. Time to dream of becoming, to amend the army phrase, all that we can be!
The past week I’ve been reading a lot of inspirational posts from writers on their New Year’s resolutions. Okay, so that second one wasn’t inspirational so much as mysterious. But look at how many resolutions she made!
So, I sat down and tried to think about my own resolutions. And, of course, there are things I know I can grow in with my craft. Sure, there are things I wish I could do better. Things I wish I made more time for. But, as much as I love writing, as much as I am devoted to my craft, I just couldn’t come up with a single resolution worth putting in writing. Because as much as I love my career… it’s just not my priority.
For the past 6 years, my priorities have existed in a clearly numbered list.
  1. God.
  2. Marriage.
  3. Children.
  4. Home.
  5. Church (local and global).
  6. Career.
Alas for my poor writing, much as I love it, it’s way down in slot #6. Down at the very bottom of my list. Now, that doesn’t mean it’s not a priority. It is. To make the list at all proves that it certainly is. But, it’s not my top priority. It’s not even in my top three.
If I could come up with one “writer’s resolution” this year, it would be the resolution to keep my career in it’s proper place. I admit it, getting signed with an agent this year—for a book I hadn’t yet completed—I got writing fever.
I wanted to write like I never had before. I loved my story, and someone was counting on me. I wanted that book written—a real shot at publication—the fulfillment of a dream. So I worked. I worked hard. When I finally handed emailed my agent the completed draft just before Thanksgiving, even she was shocked at how quickly I’d finished it. Which got me thinking.
What was I doing?
Who was I impressing?
Where was the fire?
No one’s happiness or health hinged on my finishing that book in record time. Sure, it was fun to write, if challenging. And sure, there’s definitely something to be said for a good day’s work and a job well done and even answering inspiration when it calls. “Opportunity knocks but once,” as they say.
“Opportunity knocks but once.”
My children will never be this age again.
I will never go through this pregnancy again.
I will never have this moment again to speak to my God, to be aware of how much He cherishes me, to listen to His call to me, to serve Him.
I will never again have this particular mix of teens to shepherd and minister to.
I can never go back to this point in my marriage to undo or to redo or to do what was left undone.
Tomorrow at midnight, a new year begins. Opportunity is knocking. So many dreams on the horizon. So many futures clamoring for my attention.
Where do my priorities lie?
Where do yours?

1 comment:

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